today was supposed to be the day where i felt a sense of freedom. but that hasn't happened yet. instead all i feel is a heavier weight on the top of my chest. instead of getting a larger cage, i feel like i have been downgraded. i feel like instead of making my choices, people are making them for me. where to go, what to do and how to act and think. i am having difficulty breathing with the weight above me. i feel like i am drowning and i dont even know if i can swim or breathe for longer.
i have been trying to get a bigger cage but it never seems to work. people dont let me talk or they just voice their opinion and walk away. never giving me a chance to say my piece or even to consider my opinion. they say what they think and leave. and leave me there without even letting me speak or say anything. i feel like i havent made any decisions by myself without any influence for my entire life. like everything has been decided for me. they tell me things that come back to haunt me later.
nobody listens and i have given up trying. i cant be bothered to make the change. cant be bothered to try to make my opinions. i just cant be bothered anymore. i cant be bothered to try and relieve the pressure off my chest. or the constant dry throat and aching ribs. i just dont have the energy to try anymore.
the struggle is over with my white flag flying through the air.